Picture Imperfect

I've been tagged by Kyra!
The rules of the tag are, you're supposed to take a picture of yourself. Right NOW. No primping, no fixing, no styling, no tweaking, no straightening, nothing. Just you as you are now when you think no one can see you through the computer.

So, I grabbed the camera:

And I took a picture, but then it was bugging me so much that it was so out of focus, I cheated and took a couple more until it would actually focus better(even though I know that one is still a bit out of focus). Oh well. I made sure not to do any primping in between pictures, other than probably brushing my hair out of my face which I do periodically out of habit.
Who knows. The rogue meme ninjas might come after me for breaking the rules.

I'm tagging:
MJ
Mom
Diana
Craig and/or Gillian
And anyone else who thinks this seems fun and would like to participate, I now pronounce you TAGGED.

Duskiness

Yay! A blog post!

SO, I found through a link a friend had posted, a hilarious post someone made about Twilight. I'll just say this now: Probably don't read it if you're a superduper hardcore Twilight fan who gets very offended by anything slightly negative about the books. However, if you immensely dislike the books, or like them but don't mind mocking them mercilessly(like me), go ahead and read it. Personally I thought it was funnier because I had read the books.

The first part of the post is just the usual bashing "Blah blah, this book sucks, blah blah, too many adjectives, blah blah, vampires don't sparkle, blah", then she goes on to post what they call "The Catalog" which is a running count (from just the first book) of things like "Number of times Bella is clumsy" and "Number of times Edward Sparkles", which was pretty fun to look through. Later on in this extraordinarily long Twilight-mocking session, she posted a parody of the book she had written that I thought was laugh out loud funny, and which is the main point of this half-assed post. I'm going to just post that part, but if you would like to read the whole post, you can find it here.

Soo... here you go!:

Duskiness

"Edward leaned toward me, his perfect face inches from mine. His sweet, delicious breath ghosted over my face. His golden eyes glowed with love.

“How do you like it?” he whispered, his velvet voice purring in my ear.

I couldn’t respond, so dazzled was I by his sparkling skin. He shone like a diamond in the sun, a godlike creature before me.

He smirked at my befuddlement, but then his face darkened and he thundered, “Don’t be difficult, Bella!”

I cringed, but he instantly softened, chuckled his bell-like laugh, and leaned toward me again. His cold, pale fingers brushed my cheek. I stopped breathing.

“Come here,” he said, bounding up in one of those blindingly-fast movements I’d grown accustomed to. “I want to show you something.”

He led me to a small creek and sank gracefully into the grass at its edge. I tripped over a pebble and landed on my face in the mud. Edward laughed. How could he love me? He was so beautiful, gorgeous, and perfect. Like the statue of David come alive. Like Adonis, a god, an angel.

Edward removed his shoes and rolled up the cuffs of his jeans, and I gasped at the sight of his white, smooth ankles. Sunlight reflected off his toenails, each an ivory glint of perfection. I’d never seen Edward’s feet before. I hadn’t realized he could be more beautiful than he was, but there seemed no end to his beauty.

My heart beat madly in my chest, bounced up into my throat, ricocheted off half a dozen ribs, and finally settled somewhere in the vicinity of my kneecap. I collapsed.

Faster than a speeding bullet, Edward had lifted me in his marble arms and cradled me to his granite chest. “Bella? Bella!” he screamed. “No!”

The sight of his perfect, glorious face so twisted in anguish sent waves of torture through my body. “Edward!” I gasped.

His cold, unyielding lips pressed to mine, but I dared not move for fear of breaking his control, so irresistible did he find the scent of my blood. I could not bear knowing I had caused Edward pain by forcing him to eat me. My heart fluttered around my kneecap.

The kiss done, Edward set me on my feet. Without moving, I tripped over a stick and would have fallen in the stream had Edward not caught me in his iron embrace.

“Will you answer a question?” I asked.

“Of course, my love, my life, my forever,” Edward said, casually tearing boulders apart with his toes. I watched, spellbound for a moment, before remembering myself.

“I once asked if you could turn into a bat, and you just laughed.”

Edward smirked. “Because it was a stupid question. We don’t turn into bats. Why would we want to turn into bats?”

“But can you turn into something?”

“Of course.” He stood, stretched, and his shirt rose enough for me to catch a glimpse of his sculpted abs above his waistband. I hyperventilated and passed out.

When I awoke, Edward was speaking.

“—for disguise.”

“What?” I asked breathlessly.

“I said, we turn into fruit. It’s great for disguising yourself.” He watched me carefully, to see if this revelation would finally be the one that convinced me he was a monster, that sent me screaming from him.

“Oh.” I said. “What kind of fruit?”

He looked frustrated, annoyed, euphoric, scared, nervous, grumpy, amused, sleepy, and sad. Like an archangel come down from heaven to bless me with his presence. “An apple.”

“Oh. Can I see?”

Rage colored his features. “No! Why can’t you understand? I’m a danger to you! I could kill you! I should leave you forever!” He threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around me. “I should go – right now! It’s the only way to keep you safe!”

Despair settled over me, so thick and heavy I could hardly see. “No, Edward! Don’t leave me! I know we’ve only been together for three hours, but I want to spend forever with you! Please!”

He pulled back and looked at me, thousands of emotions roiling in his liquid topaz eyes. “Do you mean that, Bella?”

“Yes.”

“Very well.”

His perfect, glorious, heavenly face dipped toward me, and he touched his cold lips to my neck. He growled deep in his throat, a sound that traveled up and down my spine like lightning.

Then came a sharp pain. His grip tightened. I gasped his name. My sight dimmed until all I could see was the sparkle of his skin, calling me to paradise.

Then nothing.

****

Edward looked down at the body of Bella Swan, pale and lifeless in his pale and lifeless arms.

“Oops.”

His sobs shook the forest for six long seconds, and then he stood, wiping a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth.

“Yum.”

He sprinted for the edge of the forest, moving faster than any living creature, and wondered if that Angela girl would be his new lab partner.

The End!"

Also, a note she posted about the fruit thing: "Note: This contains a ridiculous theory of mine regarding the Twilight cover. Why is she holding an apple? Why? I get the color scheme, but an apple? Thus was born my vampiric fruit theory."


So, that's it. Maybe I'll be posting more often now. Or not.
Happy Wednesday!

(One more thing: The title of the original post is "I want to hit Edward Cullen with a stick." do you suppose they could make lots of money manufacturing Edward Cullen pinatas?)

15

Urban Dictionary Meme

Urban Dictionary Game!

Rules:
a) Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions.
b) Post your favorite definition it gives you -- or just post the first one. (or multiple answers if it's just too funny.)
c) Tag 4 people. Leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.
d) Those people, if so inspired, should do the same.


1) Your Name?
Qacei: Qacei isn't defined yet.

Let's try...
Moonshadow: Ancient god who is said to ride into battle on a black dragon. Attacking without mercy, killing all. Before he became a god he was said to be squire to the dragon god.

2) Your age?
14: More commonly known as the "Safeway Dozen"

It has been scientifically proven that food tastes better when it comes in a Safeway Dozen, and, furthermore, it is suspected that the Safeway Dozen actually cures impotence.

3) Your favorite drink?
Water: The 4th element required to summon Captain Planet.

EARTH
FIRE
WIND
WATER
HEART

GO PLANET!

4) Favorite color?
Rainbow: Hard rock band formed in the mid-1970s by guitar virtuoso Ritchie Blackmore after leaving Deep Purple. Initially fronted by singer Ronnie James Dio who eventually left in 1979 to replace Ozzy Osbourne in Black Sabbath. Rainbow incorporated medieval themes and classical-inspired guitar work into heavy metal.

5) Birthplace?
Colorado: home of the chillest city in America, Boulder. In fact, if Boulder had an ocean, or large body of water, it would be the greatest city in America. Colorado is home to the smartest city in America, also Boulder, with the most PhD's per capita, but also the most marijuana use per capita. CO has the best snow, and sexy mountains. mountains > ocean anyway. hardly anything to do at an ocean; surf, swim, walk on hot sand, boat, do marine biology research.

6) Month of your birth?
February: Love Sucks Month.

7) Where you live now?
Corvallis: College town(OSU Beavers-Orange/Black), 45 min from the coast, 2 hrs from Portland, between Salem and Eugene. Filled with mostly old people in the summer and college kids durring the school year. its a chill place, a hippy town, home of CHS and CVHS (CHS=bands, stoners, smart kids, drugs, kids actually good at sports, great theater program, originality, one big happy family. CVHS=kids whose parents buy them out of their problems, big new birthday cars, bitches, drugs, hollister/abercrombie, school in the middle of nowhere.). Corvallis is also the home of two Beanerys, two American Dreams, a beautiful waterfront along the polluted Willamette river, Oddfellows-hall, Interzone, Soup shop, bike shops, art stuck/painted on every other downtown building, mexican drug raids, and the many new boutique stores that keep popping up everywhere that no one in Corvallis can afford to shop at. Except CVHS kids.

9) Your super power if you had super powers?
Telekinesis: The ability to translate and/or transform matter through time and space by altering the informational component of the quantum waves defining the mass in question.

10) Best insult:
I don't have an answer for this.


Tag! You're it!
I'm tagging:
Anyone who feels like doing this. I'm not being specific.

Friday Fill-In #7

1. The last band I saw live was JAMES!
2. What I look forward to most on Thanksgiving is eating amazing food and hearing crazy stories.
3. My Christmas/holiday shopping is um, getting there. Honest.
4. Thoughts of vampires obviously fill my head.5. I wish I could wear these:
6. It would be awesome to tell people that you played the Bagpipes.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to possibly watching True Blood, tomorrow my plans include thinking about maybe starting holiday shopping and Sunday, I want to do... something. Yes. Definitely something should be done!

Tuesday

Look, I don't know what YOU do with your Tuesday, but I did absolutely nothing productive.

I wake up at 9:11 AM intending to go to work with Mom but still very tired and not feeling extra fantastic because I stayed up (kind of not really entirely) too late finishing Firefly. I go downstairs sleepily with my hair sticking up in every which way you can imagine (including, but not limited to: upways, downways, and insideoutways).

I still intend to get to Sunnyside Up, but it doesn't work out like that.

I eat cereal and see the parental figure and sibling off, then jump on the computer to spend at least the next hour talking to Kyra about random things, including Facebook, blogs, and World of Warcraft.

I put clothes on, use a shoelace as a headband, and bottle caps for earrings.

I decide I require sustenance and dash (doesn't everybody dash around the house?) off to make nachos, "drop" nacho cheese on the floor for the dog, and then proceed to eat said nachos while watching America's Next Top Model.I go on the computer again for no particular reason but only last 5 minutes.

I remember that the parental figure mentioned earlier (around here we call her "mom") had asked me to pick up around the house.

I grab my iPod to listen to while attempting to clean a bit, discover it's dead, plug it in to charge, and go about attempting to clean a bit without it. I sing songs from my head instead.

I start picking up, but then, I get distracted:
You can just see what she's thinking: "Seriously lady. What. The. Fuck."
I admire the patient dog who stayed sitting and quiet while I dashed upstairs to put away the other clothes I made her wear, grab these, and dash back. She's still patient while I put them on her, and she waits just long enough for me to snap my picture before she decides she's had enough and tears them off. (No clothes were harmed, though.)

I decide this would make for a good blog post, and proceed to consider said blog post throughout the rest of the day.

I attempt picking up the house again. I get the dishes all in the dishwasher, then I get distracted again by singing random songs and fiddling with things in the family room. I head upstairs, and then CANNOT REMEMBER WHAT I NEEDED FROM UPSTAIRS.

I go back to the "cleaning" but get distracted again immediately when I spot duct tape. I consider what to do with the duct tape, then decide I should put it over my mouth and write "SHH" on it. Parental figure and sibling arrive home before I decide what I'm going to do with the duct tape over my mouth (Probably take pictures).
Strange looks ensue.

I never do decide what to do with the duct tape, so off it comes.

I proceed to wander about the house not doing much of anything. I read a tiny bit.

Then we watch 27 Dresses. It was adorably predictable, and then at the end of it, many hours since I forgot, I remember what I needed from upstairs (Calendar).

I finally stop being extraordinarily lazy and get up and heat food. Watch another America's Next Top Model.

I go back on the computer and talk to Kyra some more, listen to my newly charged iPod, and watch videos from NBTSC.

I finally get off the computer, go finish the chapter I was on in my book, then decide I need to blog right this instant now. So I get back on the computer, spend an hour and a half writing this, and then here we are.

The End.
Yay?

Today

Dear Diary,

Today we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again.

It was the best day ever!